This Week: Good, Better, Best, and Not So Good

This past week had some of everything. I cannot remember feeling so complete. Ever. Can I say that again. Ever. I say complete, instead of happy. Happy is a nebulous, transitory state that cannot be and should not be sustained. It is a feeling...not a state of being and cannot be relied upon to bring peace, contentment or a closeness to God...all the things that make life complete for me. But I had it this weekend. Let's start with the good...

I realized a long-time dream. Actually, I realized it nearly a year ago, but I was so blocked by circumstances at that time, I never saw it. But this time I did. One dream of mine was to write and publish a magazine article. Well, I have written that article, and it is going to be published. Granted it is a university publication, but a publication nonetheless. The article is entitled "Dreams Deferred...Dreams Realized: Lambuth Nontraditional Students Juggle Life and Education". It will not just be published, it will be the featured, cover story of the magazine.

Even Better...I experienced Chris Botti, jazz trumpeter, in concert at the Orpheum in Memphis.
The music, the elegant theatre, and warm spring night combined to make it an evening unlike any other for me. Not just because of the details mentioned here. I have listened to good music in beautiful theatres on warm nights before. But this time, I was complete. I had everything I needed and was glad. I thanked God for his goodness and graciousness in healing me. In giving me love and guidance back to the light.

The next day was spent in the sun on the edge of the Tennessee River, walking, reading, taking photos, and enjoying the feel of the sun warming my face and the breeze caressing me. Again, I felt complete. I am grateful for that.

Ahhh...the Best. I know Grace. Grace, defined as "the influence or spirit of God operating...to regenerate or strengthen...." I returned from Memphis and spent the evening and early morning in the presence of Grace. I will say no more here about that. There are no other words that can describe that. Just know that it is.

But there is still...the Not So Good. A very good friend called to say her brother, who has terminal cancer, was rushed to the hospital with very serious complications. She was rushing off to Phoenix to be with him and his family and to be an intermediary with the doctors (she is an RN). All my love and best wishes to her...praying for her strength.

May God be with her and her family.

More Comments from The Last Plantation & Debra Dickerson

NCCU Student Advocates "physical retribution" against innocent Duke Students

Debra Dickerson posted a piece on her blog, The Last Plantation...is the Mind from a student council member from North Carolina Central Universtiy, Solomon Burnette. In case you missed it, NCCU is the school where the young black woman attended that accused the Duke la crosse team members of rape.

His piece, as a whole was weak and left me feeling exposed. But he did make one statement that explained my pain about this situation. In describing was happened that night, Burnette said,

"The women were, according to all accounts, called “nigger” and told to penetrate themselves with broomsticks (see Abner Louima). One of these women said that she was raped by three of these inebriated white men. People in power and those without disbelieved her. This is sickening."

That did it for me. Here is the comment and Debra's reply on The Last Plantation:

Yvonne Thompson wrote:
I subscribe to The Plantation and, at least, scan the posts as they come in. I have to thank you for posting this one, Debra. Somehow I wasn't sure why I felt (as a black woman) so uncomfortable, and once again, betrayed when the Duke lacrosse players were exonerated. I do know I barely withstood the thinly disguised celebratory air the newscasts took when reporting this bit of injustice. Burnette hit home with the statement quoted above. His piece, as a whole, had holes one could drive a truck through, however. To quote it again:

"The women were, according to all accounts, called “nigger” and told to penetrate themselves with broomsticks (see Abner Louima). One of these women said that she was raped by three of these inebriated white men. People in power and those without disbelieved her. This is sickening."

I heard that one morning as I was pouring my coffee and sloshed some out of the cup as I gave a quiet cheer. If he only knew the baggage we carry as black women from the injustices and humiliations poured upon us by the likes of him and his ilk, he would realize that what he carries is little more than a carry-on.


Reply to this 4/25/2007 8:15 PM Debra Dickerson wrote:

Brilliant! I told John his comments were all 'his,' but I couldn't help stepping on this one. The comment in toto is dead on, but the last line? I'm tempted to delete the offering, just so I can steal it. You nailed it!

This made my day. Getting a "Brilliant!" from Debra Dickerson...well...that's no small thing. From what I know about her, she doesn't hand those out for a song.

Debra Bites Back

Debra Dickerson...you gotta love her!

I responded to a recent post on Debra Dickerson's blog, The Last Plantation...is the Mind I responded only to the part of the post you see here, not at all being inclusive or considering her comments in their entirety. But she did respond to my comments. If you have been reading my blog, you know that I am a HUGE Debra Dickerson fan. She actually posts and responds personally on her blog. So here is our little dialogue:

Debra Dickerson wrote (partial post):
"It seems obvious to me that the point of life is a) enjoying ourselves and b) learning how to do so without being utter bastards. Given how slowly and rarely most of us learn from our mistakes, only massive do-overs can get through to us. I don't need for this to be true. You'll never catch me harassing people in the park with my flyers, my sermons and my sanctimony. It just makes sense to me -- it actually makes me happy to believe it -- and it guides my actions. Its rationality applied to the unexplainable, its controlling the only thing I can: me."

This was my off-the-cuff response:

Yvonne Thompson wrote:
Glad to see you back, Debra. I've been waiting to hear from you, again. As usual you rev me up and then drop me down with a resounding thud. "The point of life is to enjoy ourselves"? Even a Buddha-Baptist has to know better. Or just remove the Budda and the Baptist from your pseudo faith and just call yourself what that thought indicates, a hedonist. I love you, Debra, you're beautiful. But that statement alone negated everything else in your post...for me. But keep 'em coming, Baby. I'll be waiting.

Reply to this 4/19/2007 8:36 AM Debra Dickerson wrote:

That 'Buddho-Baptist', if you please.

"Enjoying ourselves" includes both idling in the sun and working in soup kitchens or washing the poor's feet. And, anyway, what's wrong with hedonism that isn't irresponsile or at someone else's expense?

Look at what I do for a living -- I don't write soft core porn (ok, I don't publish it) or rake in half a mil on Wall Street every year, both of which I could do. I've turned down most every status-seeking job in journalism and instead squeak by on a pittance to blog for free. So to dismiss me as a hedonist speaks to the arrogance of orthodox religion I mentioned in the post. Your god doesn't want us to be happy?

Nah, I don't think that negates the post and you'll have to work a lot harder to defend your case. I look forward to it.

But I love you too, girlfriend. Keep coming back.

Reply to this 4/19/2007 8:41 AM Debra Dickerson wrote:
And another thing, as for my 'pseudo faith', Yvonne: I'll lay my moral framework up against yours anyday. I don't need a book to tell me what's right and what's wrong (tho I'll take guidance where I can get it). One of the things that fry me the most is the anti-intellectal arrogance that assumes atheists and agnostics think they can do as they please. Remember, you're responding to a lenghty piece of self-criticism (i.e. soul searching). I could just blame my problems on others (and You know who You are) but instead, I'm trying to accept responsibility for my own role in it.

OK. Done now.

God Speaks to Us in Ways We Will Hear

God is everywhere. You cannot get away, no matter how hard you try. You might relate to God as Allah, or Yahweh, or as The Universe, or as Buddha, or whatever. But everybody got a God. Mine is in my intellectual pursuits. I read everything. Everytime, I ask to speak to and hear from God, I get an answer. Today, I pleaded to hear my God speak. No, I didn't go to church. God cannot be contained within the walls of any structure. If you look, you will find God in your own heart and soul, on your front porch, at your desk at the office, in the eyes of your beloved pet, and even in your bathroom. Ask, listen. You will hear. Today God spoke to me in a book I have been meaning to read, and finally picked up today after feeling frustrated that I could not get the rest and peace I sought after a busy week. The book is called, "Eat, Pray, Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert.

Another anguished day comes to mind. As I sat at my desk in my office, wrestling inwardly with the issue of that day, my boss walked over and gave me the Fall 2006 issue of "Conversations: A Forum for Authentic Transformation". The feature article was Contemplative Prayer: More Essential Than Esoteric. Contemplative prayer is actually Christian meditation.

This was my first introduction to Conversations. My initial reaction is that this journal is for Christians more inclined toward an individual, highly personal relationship with God. That's me. The target audience, as described by the publishers is "broad—all thoughtful [emphasis, mine], seeking followers of Christ who long for a complete transformation of soul and full restoration of His image within". Never being one that functions well with group think and approaches, it resonated with me.

This journal led me to the book of Matthew in the New Testament that day. I found validation and love in the words of the Son that day. There is so much good in the Bible, but where we err is in the tendency to interpret the Word too literally or out of context, bending it to our particular purposes and not always for the good.

One morning I woke troubled after a restless night. I got up and dressed warmly as it was only 33 degrees F. outside. As I was jogging on my usual 4-mile route, God grabbed me by the heart and squeezed. The joy often attributed to endorphins seized me and took me through the day. Sometimes it is just that, endorphins. But not that day, it was God.

So, you see, God speaks to all, always in ways in which he knows we will hear.

How will you find God today?

A Brand New Knife

Anyone wanting to know what my life has been like for the last 6-8 months only need listen to what I think of as Melissa Etheridge's signature CD, "Skin". Funny, when that CD was first released in 2001, it resonated with me even then because of the passion and level of truth in the lyrics. But, hey, I didn't think it had much to do with me. Well, now it has everything to do with me. Going through the end of a 15-year relationship takes its tole.

If you are at all familiar with the CD, you know the 1st song is about the beginning of her breakup and each song progresses through the healing process, with all its exhilirations, setbacks, and finally, its triumphs. This CD is a masterpiece! Anyway, right now I am at the place in my recovery that is noted in the song, "Goodnight". Especially this verse:

"I washed the dishes poured out the old wine
Called a new friend for the second time
It's not bad this brand new life
It's clean and it's sharp like a brand new knife " [emphasis, mine]

My sister, Beverly, and I had a great week. She was here at my place for the week, celebrating her 60th birthday. We really had some incredible talks and wonderful bonding. There was lunch at The Old Town Spaghetti Store, dinner at Redbones , watching movies, eating birthday cake, visiting old friends, and just being together quietly. I loved it! She is my best friend. I am making an extra effort to do this with all my family members. You never know. . .


It is likely that I will be spending more time in Dallas, with family, and....well, let's just say my interests in Dallas have expanded greatly. I just recently noticed that the sun shines brighter there. Every time I think of Dallas now, I find myself humming "Amazing Grace, how sweet, the sound...."